Much of my life now is controlled.

I get through each day hoping to see what’s ahead.

That also covers something else.

I won’t be vulgar to share.

But it is a common occurrence of regular irregularity.

I deal with it as much as one can.

Predictable


If I’m being honest, I do struggle.

I have been struggling.

My anxiety peaks like it did before.

I’ve pushed myself to my limits and beyond this summer; however, I’ve not built up much resilience.

I still fear a lot.

It’s all irrational and I deep down know that.

But I’ve been resorting to a comfort zone.

The comfort zone has limits and they are strict.

It really prevents me from doing much else except golf.

Feeling safe is the operative concern.

I may need to see someone.

I’ll explore but I need to do some self work too.

Honest


When I was at universities, the idea of many different opportunities to tap into was new and exciting.

As time has gone one, I’ve realised opportunities are short-term, while options are long term.

I feel as though the opportunities I have right now are low.

I’ve been feeling like I’m not really progressing.

So, I’ve been working overdrive (and this is somewhat anxiety inducing because of the uncertainty) to develop more opportunities.

However, only recently have I started to think of the long term as options.

Options are tracks of things which opportunities fit into.

Now I’m not really worried about the short term and can focus on the broader vision.

All the months of thinking much wasn’t happening is starting to dissipate.

Options.


I meant to start this over two hours ago.

I got sidetracked with a lengthy conversation, which is abnormal late at night, but do you know what? It was welcomed.

It was candid and lucid and set a tone for me, which is meaningful.

I’m returning to a daily blog.

Why?

Anxiety has been through the roof.

As I integrate back into social interactions, I’ve noticed changes in my behaviour and mood.

This blog, which I have neglected as an outlet, allowed me to be honest with myself.

It had become window dressing but actually now it’s quite necessary.

I will, otherwise, go back to counselling because I know my limits.

I want to experiment with this because I know I have the strategies and just need to apply them.

I’ve found new passions and reignited interests since we spoke daily, but I’ll share more as I go.

Return


I think I need to be honest with myself about what is happening and how to address it.

This is an old trick but it does work for me.

I should work it when I feel worked.

My head is throbbing today in confusion and annoyance.

However, my heart is ringing true with a lot of messages about my professional and personal state.

Maybe I’m just tired but I feel drained.

Maybe it is the best policy… one we often overlook for ourselves

Honesty


Another year. Another set of words said out loud.

I don’t post too often anymore. Only really to support other people.

But it’s strange how I feel I’ve changed.

How life has changed.

I’ve definitely neglected this outlet.

I do need to use it more.

Not just when I need it but in continuity.

24


The month of my birth is always an interesting one.

I usually have something untoward going on.

I want to briefly reflect on my absence from this platform.

What it represents and how it’s affected me.

I’ve been struggling in many ways to overcome my own fears, doubts and anxiety.

It’s a process; however, I see signs of improvement.

My own expectations are now wavering and certain desires (notably golf) remain in place.

That’s a useful guide to help prioritise and focus on work in the winter while preparing for the season starting in April.

If I can try and make the most of that, I have a good chance going forward.

I think I’ll use this platform to record my thoughts on a regular basis (probably everyday) as I seep back into monotony and structure.

It’s invaluable and even the absences speak to my peace of mind.

September


Unexpected but happy.

Glad something came of the passion this year.

Good to see and hope it continues.

Always learning.

Victory


I forgot how to read.

But progress has been made.

No matter how menial.

It’s pretty boring at this point, but hoping it comes to something.

Progress


Time is really of the essence.

Things are heating up and will soon become uncontrollable if not dealt with properly.

Discipline and structure are going to be key.

Need to get my head in the game and quickly.

Reality

Danial Naqvi

Joint PhD Candidate Business & Management at Manchester & Melbourne| MSc UCL Science, Technology and Society | BA (Hons) QMUL Human Geography |

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store