Danial Naqvi

Is it all that complicated?

Or do I make it so?

Am I self-centred?

Is it me?

There are many questions and few too little answers.

There’s no point asking these questions with no answers.

Best to ignore and stay the course.

I have to put myself first if I want to survive.

Mental toughness alone is futile.

Complicated

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I think taking one step at a time is a grossly misunderstood and taken-for-granted phrase.

Same in golf with one shot at a time.

Every shot does count.

I like to think of these steps as processual and meaningful in long term development.

Recently, I’ve taken some new ones, guided by new and purposeful directions.

Steps

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You have to fall in the dirt before you can grow — or similarities on that phrase really make you think.

If I want to move forward, do I first have to move back?

And is moving back in the way I think or different?

These anxiety-inducing and stopping forces aren’t particularly helpful.

Instead: where do I want to go?

That’s a growth mindset.

Growth

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I think we’re all seeking something.

Different points require different thoughts and wants.

Needs.

There’s a difference I think between aimless seeking and seeking because you need.

Seeking for attention or seeking for survival.

There’s little I can say to think otherwise.

I’m seeking.

I know what for.

I need to trust I’ll find the right path.

Seeking

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When you make a decision, you hope it’s for the right reasons.

Not on impulse, nor irrationally.

Some are irreversible; however, I believe the ones made in good faith often can lead to much more.

I’ve come to the realisation that I may not always make just decisions.

Thinking selfishly has become a trait.

However, sometimes it feels like survival.

That’s human.

Natural.

But shouldn’t be the norm.

Decisions

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I’ve had a marmite relationship with confidence all my life.

Sometimes I feel confident but I’m not actually.

Other times I don’t feel confident but look or act it.

Today, I feel confidence and am acting it.

A strange combo but one I’m liking.

It comes from somewhere which involves certainty for once.

Clarity.

I love and hate clarity.

Maybe I have an obsession of being in between.

Confidence.

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There’s almost been a calmness about me the last few days.

I don’t know if it’s the blog taking affect or a change in mindset and outlook.

But I haven’t had any major issues.

I feel tired maybe that’s why my emotions have stabilised.

It may have something to do with a lack of expectations.

I am socialising more and feeling comfortable.

I don’t want to speak too soon, but it’s encouraging and something to rest on.

Calmness

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You fall to the level of your practice.

Humbled again by the game we love.

However, I was happy with many things.

The result wasn’t great but I could be proud of a few things out there.

Confidence, conviction, strength in the scoring zones was a miss today.

It’s disheartening but not as bad as I’m making it out to be.

Head’s in a frenzy though.

That’s an issue only a good night’s rest can solve.

Discombobulation

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Much of my life now is controlled.

I get through each day hoping to see what’s ahead.

That also covers something else.

I won’t be vulgar to share.

But it is a common occurrence of regular irregularity.

I deal with it as much as one can.

Predictable

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If I’m being honest, I do struggle.

I have been struggling.

My anxiety peaks like it did before.

I’ve pushed myself to my limits and beyond this summer; however, I’ve not built up much resilience.

I still fear a lot.

It’s all irrational and I deep down know that.

But I’ve been resorting to a comfort zone.

The comfort zone has limits and they are strict.

It really prevents me from doing much else except golf.

Feeling safe is the operative concern.

I may need to see someone.

I’ll explore but I need to do some self work too.

Honest

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Danial Naqvi

Danial Naqvi

Joint PhD Candidate Business & Management at Manchester & Melbourne| MSc UCL Science, Technology and Society | BA (Hons) QMUL Human Geography |