BCWM: Becoming Comfortable With Myself
Slowly as I share my current situation with friends around me, I start to realise that who I want to become — like no-one else to have walked Earth.
This is me. Weary-eyed and excited hours prior to the adventure of a lifetime.
I’m wearing the same pyjama bottoms now, nothing much has changed between August last year and today.
Well actually that’s a lie.
Recently, I’ve been speaking to people about something that I’ve tried to keep away from the blog in its raw form.
A bit of back story first however — I’m an only child and have always loved to meet new people and learn what makes them so different.
The Nurture vs Nature debate always fascinates me because I’ve had personal experience with others about to benefits and drawbacks of each school of thought.
I’ve not been shy in saying that I found the transition back to the UK tough. It’s been a notable attribute mentioned on this blog. The funny thing is that on the exterior I’ve been rather tough. My dad didn’t realise until I told him yesterday.
It’s now 5th February and I’m learning to become one with myself. I don’t do yoga or meditation but I want to.
The hardest thing about coming back to London was slipping back in to social circles and finding my place in my environment.
I was fortunate to be elected Equality & Diversity Officer by the QMGS despite the committee knowing of my outward travels. That role and position helped a lot. I had a sense of unity and purpose.
It wasn’t enough. I needed more to satisfy my return. I wanted to be involved in people’s lives again although this was the catalyst of my demise the previous year.
Specifically what I’m getting at is the idea of a relationship. Spend time with someone who enjoys my company as much as I do theirs.
This is what has always troubled me. Where I (arguably) have been successful in career progression and forward-thinking, I’ve been less involved in these finer aspects of life.
It never was drilled into me growing up and I didn’t attempt to make friends with people that held parties and followed the stereotypical culture.
While it might seem silly to think in such a way, it has and will continue to be a lingering thought in my mind. Focusing on myself has always been my drive, the thing that gets me is that lack of companionship.
All my friends have had that experience at least once in their lives. I always try to be supportive and help where I can but I have no expertise nor relevant advice on the subject. I sit back and ponder other thoughts to distract myself away from the constant noise around this subject.
While I don’t blame anyone (nor myself) for this, I have started to weigh up what’s important in my life.
I’ve realised (with help from some great friends including Roya and Jason) that right now, with the current market surrounding graduates and jobs, that gaining relevant experience in the field and working on personal projects rather than worrying about a relationship is wise. Not only wise, but admirable.
Society tends to pull us towards what everyone else is doing because simply — it’s popular. Just because it’s the popular theme doesn’t mean you have to conform to it.
I feel I’m in a place in my life where I don’t know where I’ll be in the next five years but I know I’ll be happy.
Learning to appreciate my position and know where I stand is important to me. I shouldn’t worry about aspects I can’t control because the last time I did that, I was receiving counselling for mild anxiety.
Mentorship is something that replaces a relationship, it doesn’t represent the same things but a lot of what the basic values of each are very similar. Mentorship allows you to share how you feel, how you want to progress and build you as a character to not be toyed with.
I thought I found a couple of mentors in the USA. Austin was a place full of them. I don’t have a great connection with them now, mainly due to time difference. I would like to hope I’m gaining a mentor here. I hope he can lead me as an older figure that is well-versed in life’s obstacles.
There’s a lot of life to live, I want to become comfortable with myself. I don’t want to rely on anyone. I want independence and I yearn the freedom to be the man I want to be.
If I’ve learned anything about Danial Naqvi, it would be that he will be like no-one else ever to walk Earth.