Be Proud Of You
I don’t know how many times I’ve checked myself today, but its a few. It’s natural for sure. But, why would you want to be anyone but yourself?
‘I didn’t know anyone who didn’t doubt themselves. Not because they don’t believe in themselves, but because there was too many unknowns when everyone wants answers. Keep yourself happy, and the world will fall at your feet.’
The crazy ideas.
The ingenious brainwaves.
The moments of madness.
They all count.
They add up.
The chemistry between the phenomena makes your character.
Builds a foundation for others to construct on top.
They say the biggest enemy to your progress is you, and that’s true to some extent.
The other defining factor is the way you think you’re perceived and how much you value that perception.
Not that you care about the opinions of others.
Just that you think long term and count your friends, which ones will stick around and understand your choices.
I think, too often, we get muddled. Our preferences and priorities skew.
The real reason we live. The real reason we want to live — to perfect ourselves.
To perfect ourselves means different things to people — that may mean impressing others, but soon enough you’ll realise the world is flashing by and everyone is busy with their own lives.
Right now, I don’t talk to that many people.
The people I used to talk to daily slowly drifting away.
I don’t think it’s particularly bad; I just don’t feel accountable to reply quickly or have the anxiety of responding to a message.
I try and keep up-to-date with people.
I like to know that people are doing well.
I like to help them develop.
Where I can, I’ll give advice.
When asked I do anyway — otherwise it’s almost preaching to the unconvertible.
I am proud of my achievements.
For the first time, I’m openly proud.
But, I do have my bad days.
Today, I suffered critique from someone outside the company on my work.
The topic of the articles is something very surface-level in terms of understanding.
The writing was weak in part because my cognition was low.
That’s the difficulty.
I sat, in the non-airconditioned office, trying to rack my brain around the critique.
I can take critique.
I didn’t know what I was writing in the first place, so the content side was lacking.
I forgot I was writing B2B and tried to weasel NGO quotes from the OECD conference — bad move.
I also had this overwhelming sense of expectation today — I felt like something was going to happen.
My brain subconsciously stored this date.
My expectation mode still creeps up now and then.
It’s hard to turn off when it’s all I’ve known for most of my life.
I feel silly now to think it would’ve happened.
So, not a good work or emotional day.
But a good people day.
There’s always something to smile about.
I had a meeting with a Professor at university who bridges the gap between journalist and academic.
His perspective on my career thus far interested me.
He told me to keep going.
Keep my options open and make decisions with my gut.
Which I have already done — need to continue.
So, some words of affirmation to settle the doubt.
He also offered to help with publishing parts of my dissertation in the Guardian — which I may take up his offer if I feel I can create something worthy of that title.
Then I spoke to Amman.
He’s doing really well in NYC.
Pushing on and bettering himself.
He’s a role model definitely — always working hard and grinding.
He takes his environment for all its worth.
Something I struggled to do in Austin and something I must master in Fort Worth.
He has a great vision.
He’s a motivational man to speak to — I felt the energy over the phone.
These people today reminded me to be proud.
Life is a matter of give and take.
People will come and go.
Ideas and character will stay — if you don’t lose your sense of direction.
There is a lot that life can throw at you.
This year is transforming me.
One step at a time.
For once, I can count my projects on my hand.
I’m becoming more concentrated.
More in-focus.
More determined.
I’m proud of who I am.
You should be too.
Be proud of you.