FIO: Figuring It Out
A day of problem solving. A day of doubt. A day of more rain. I’ve not achieved a lot today but a definite mental resilience boost for sure has been assured.
It rained.
End of the blog.
Dreaming of picturesque sunsets and not worrying about get soaked like a wet rat.
I believe everyday is a growth day.
You either fail or succeed in what you set out to do for the day.
Either way, you grow.
You learn what didn’t work for you that day.
With the attempt that it will make the next day better.
It’s not always the case.
All I wanted to do today was sit down and study.
Something I had neglected for two days.
I did that. All day long.
So I suppose I was successful, right?
Not exactly.
I skim read a 300-page book. Yes.
I had to hone in on my skills from anthropology where we had two and a half weeks to read an entire ethnography.
But I left it to the last few days.
That came in handy for sure.
But I never feel that satisfaction.
I did on Monday to a certain degree. But since then, it’s been a yo-yo.
Today I did a lot of battling myself.
Telling myself that my project idea is valid.
Making sure I pursue and perservere with these assignments.
I still have loads to do.
Today I felt like I achieved the first hurdle — beating myself.
Yesterday’s blog was emotionally-charged.
Somewhat more so than usual.
I didn’t know what to expect on the back of it.
I didn’t know how I’d feel.
I came home after being out for dinner and did some work. Nothing substantial.
This all just sound a little mediocre, doesn’t it?
A day in the life.
Not something you’d pay to watch nor read.
It’s not all go, all the time.
It hasn’t been for a little while.
I like that though. I miss my time in Austin. Especially on these rainy days.
There’s a lot I want to do.
It’s evident.
There’s a lot stopping me.
But as far as these assignments go, I’m slowly and gradually making headway.
I’m looking forward to my holiday in Budapest with Alex in less than two weeks.
I need a break to get away.
It might help me find some direction.
It’ll be a bundle of fun, that’s for sure.
I think these blogs might be boring to read for other people.
But when I look back on the journey, it’s going to be these days where I realise that I’m human and there’s a process.
The process might not be defined.
It might be blurred.
But it’s something that happened. I’m sharing the boring, exciting, sad and happy parts of my life.
Every. Single. Day.
In nine days time, I will have reached the 100th blog for this series.
In nine days it will be the 8th of April.
It’ll be a Sunday.
Who knows what I’ll be doing.
What I do know is that I would have reached a milestone.
Something that I didn’t think would’ve been possible.
This blog reveals my insecurities, my successes, my doubts and my strengths.
It reveals my personality and mood.
I’m never fake about what I put on here because 1) it defeats the purpose 2) what’s the point?
Blog numbers were down by 500 views this month.
No idea why. Well, that’s a lie.
I didn’t write an article for a competition. Nor did one of my blogs find it way to an external site where it got over 100 views.
It’s okay.
It’s not about the views.
I rarely look at them now.
I do it because I think its important to reflect.
All the while.
I’m still figuring myself out.