First Impressions
The expectations that rest on a good first impression are unimaginable. Society has made us believe it is crucial to success with others. Let’s test it.
I’ve never worried too much about first impressions.
The first impression you make on someone is usually a representation of your character.
It’s true. Reflective.
I don’t think any of us particularly think about how we present ourselves in a friendly environment.
A business or professional sense is different. We need to make a good impression to secure a job or a deal.
Historically, I have strived to make a good first impression and make people like me.
Nowadays, I am very much happy with myself, and people can take me for how I am, or not at all.
I’m empathetic to the jealousy that is inherent to our species. I have felt jealousy, and that often comes from comparisons.
I understand that it isn’t always possible to articulate who you feel about others.
I messaged over 45 friends who I now have a functioning friendship with, and now and then catch up.
So, I guess these people will be the best representation of if first impressions matter.
There was one catch: they had to be 100% honest and not hold back.
I haven’t read any of these. I’ll open them as I write.
Enough of me talking, I’ll see you at the end.
The question is: do first impressions actually matter?
All the responses are anonymous.
If there are grammar mistakes, I haven’t changed any of the wording — just like the MExU Project — people have every right to express themselves in whatever command of the English language that they possess.
‘Seems like a nice kid, quite shy and reserved though.’
‘I thought you didn’t want to speak to me at first. So I felt some hostility’
‘One of respect, here is someone I have never met yet is offering me help’
‘I thought you seemed very outgoing and sure of yourself, but sweet and kind’
‘When I first met you Danial, you honestly reminded me a lot of myself. You see, you and I are very similar in the fact that we are both driven individuals. We both knew what we want out of life, and what we need to do to get there where we want to be. From the very start, what striked me about you was that you are the type of guy anyone can get along with, no matter how different the other person is, you have a way of connecting with people and communicating with them as if you had known them for a long time. You and I are very similar so we share a lot of traits.’
‘I loved your accent. Thought you were shy but really sweet.’
‘A definite do-gooder and activist.’
‘When we first met in Ethnographic Theory, I was excited to have an exchange student in that class mostly because of your accent. I don’t know what it is with North Americans being obsessed with British accents but we are. So I thought that was cool, but then you said you wanted to journalism and my opinion kind of changed. Based on stereotypes of journalists, I assumed you’d be pushy and that you’d write better than anyone in the class and you’d make sure everyone knew that. So, I guess my first impression of you was that I wasn’t really all that keen on being friends because based only off you saying “I’m from London and I want to do journalism” I had made up my mind that you were going to be a bit of a stuck-up jerk (and that I didn’t want you to write better than me).’
‘My first impression of you would’ve come from when you added me on Facebook as I hadn’t spoken to you before then so that spoke volumes about the person you are, the fact that you clearly cared about the people who surround you at uni. It showed that you were friendly so after that I always made an effort to say hello to you or even just smile if I saw you, until I started speaking to you more. I got the impression that you were very passionate and interested about what you do and very driven to do well.’
‘I thought you were a calm guy, very easy to talk to and very open about everything. Weren’t shy and could tell you were a blessed guy.’
‘You were immediately nice whenever I jumped into your conversation about music festivals. Very welcoming and clearly an intelligent guy. I’d say you made a great first impression.’
‘Someone who always tried to be friends with everyone. No set friendship group. Bouncing between because you thought it’s better to have bare acquaintances than a few good friends.’
‘Honestly, I remember being rather surprised by how well it was talking to you, the conversation flowed easily and there was a quick rapport built within that conversation. You clearly made an effort to engage, or at least made it seem like you did, which either way works. Overall it was a positive first impression.’
‘You were in a 3 ball behind me and I waited for you on the first and joined you. Very welcoming and down to earth. You know not cocky or flash which is a nice trait to have.’
‘I don’t ever feel like I got a bad vibe from you.’
‘First impression when we met and started talking was this guy is a chilled out guy. Like I could relate to you in some way if that makes sense. From the way and how we were talking I knew you were a down to earth guy someone who I’d like to converse with more and hang out with. I was like I want to build a friendship with this guy and go places with him.’
‘My first impression of Danial is that one, he is very talkative. A little too sarcastic for his own good, and very driven in what he does. He is friendly enough that he will fit in anywhere, adapt quickly, and one of those who shares a lot about his life, which I find quite nice about you since I like listening to different points of view. But you can be a bit too cynical sometimes.’
‘My first impression was that you seemed to be a conscientious person who wanted to do things to the highest degree that you could. I remember thinking is this guy the stereotypical “I need to be better than everyone” type of person, but there I quickly realised that you were just down to earth and went out of your way to help others when you didn’t need to.’
‘We didn’t really get acquainted by doing the usual, “Hi, my name is…” but you just said some sarcastic sh*t and I was like “lol, okay I see how it is.” I didn’t think you liked me at first because I have a very talkative personality which can get annoying. You continued to throw the jokey shady comments. I had a more favourable impression when out of nowhere you just opened up to me about something that was going on in your life. I felt that you were very trustworthy and felt the mutual trust too.’
‘I thought you were intriguing af. You didn’t fit a mould, honestly you looked confident. More confident than maybe I expected you to be based on your appearance.’
‘Thought you seemed like a decent golfer and a nice enough lad.’
‘I thought (and still think) you were too keen. You reminded me of myself but way more ambitious, which is by no means a bad thing and a distinct quality that sets you apart from most individuals in the SoG. I thought you were gutsy too, especially at the bar crawl as you were the only attendee that wasn’t white. An all-round nice guy, I knew at once I wanted to be mates with you. The thing that really stuck with me was how incredibly well you conducted yourself around a bunch of pretty drunk, crazy students. I also recall from that night that were willing to get involved with QMGS and since that night myself and Will had earmarked you for Presidency!’
‘Nice guy’
‘I would say my initial impressions were that you were very confident.’
‘I actually don’t remember the first time I met you bc I didn’t realise that you were there so the next time we spoke is when you messaged me to say happy birthday. Tbh I was confused, in a world where people were just friendly I would have thought it was rather sweet of you and a kind gesture a stranger taking time out of their day to remember you is really thoughtful especially since I was having a crap time. But we live in a world where boys are stereotyped for being after one thing and a few creepy guys have ruined the reputation for all boys with good intentions. So that was in the back of my mind. I guess I really was trying to figure out what you were after. So I guess I thought you were sweet but a guy doing a nice thing for a girl with zero expectations was odd to me bc of the world I live in. But it quickly became clear that you were quite transparent, so I was the same with you.’
‘When I first saw Danial, I thought what a lovely chap and quite cute. He politely introduced himself, and I really like the way he put his hand out for a handshake; a young man who knew what we wanted. We got talking and we “clicked”. The conversation naturally flew, as did laughter. A few months on, and I still see that same lovely chap and it is rather refreshing! I must be honest, when he talks about how he used to be an introvert, I’m not totally convinced!’
‘Immediately I could tell you were intelligent from the way you spoke compared to everyone else at Orpington however with that I felt that you knew you were smarter than everyone else there which being the new guy, I found it harder to approach you at first. I also felt that you were the only person there who was confident in their beliefs and knew what they wanted out of life and that drive was intimidating at first.’
‘I thought you were extremely forward in your fliting and I thought it was like an excited middle school boy flirting but also that we talked super easily/well as if we were already good friends so that was a pleasant welcome to this new foreign land that I could converse with someone in this new country so well and so fast. Then I met you at pres you seemed a lot more reserved and to yourself and not so forward yet we still talked as if we’d known each other for a long time but I still felt like I didn’t know you or your friends until after we partied.’
‘I thought you seemed nervous, maybe a bit stressed, maybe a bit hectic because I believe you came to me right after work and rushed to my place. I think you seemed uncomfortable to me.’
‘I thought you were a very shy guy from the looks of it. But turned out to be wrong. I met you in Liverpool and you seemed very friendly and nice. I think the smile made me think that.’
‘Committed. We had that people and the environment presentation thing and even though nobody wanted to do it, you took charge and made sure it was done.’
‘So I remember thinking you seemed like a very laid back person, very easy to talk to as we never knew each other and convo just flowed so easily, I also remember thinking you seemed very much as though you had your life under control cause you were telling me about the commuter society and how involved you already were before we started uni.’
‘The first thing thought was wow I like his hoodie, he seems chill. I was lowkey shy and didn’t really know how to talk to but you spoke and were super chill, five minutes later outside that whartons room we were bantering and I was 110% comfortable.’
‘I thought this guy is really outgoing. To be honest, I thought I wish I could easily make friends as quickly as this guy cos it takes me ages to get to know people but you were just so open to speaking to everyone and so confident to be honest. I also thought you were a troublemaker cos you came out of your tutorial and looked like you and the tutor mutually hated each other.’
‘My first impression of you was that you might be a bit arrogant. However, after getting to know you, my perception completely changed. Because you are one of the most friendliest, honest and true friend anyone could ever ask for.’
‘My first impression of you was thinking “oh dope there’s a kid with the same name as me”. After our first conversation at Shariq’s birthday you seemed like someone I wanted to hang out with since we had similar interests. I thought it was cool you were on study abroad and that you enjoyed Texas so much.’
‘I think I would say that my first impression of you was that you were very well organised and put together. You seemed quite nice and a bit shy at the study abroad meeting, although after talking to you later on I realised that you were quite easy to get on with. You seemed quite funny too which was nice.’
‘I’d had to go with smart.’
‘Inquisitive, well spoken, and perceptive.’
‘Looking back at when I first met Danial; I could easily describe him in three words. “He’s got it”. He came to QM as a first year but the thing that separated him to the first years was that he came to make a difference and that’s just been a part of his personality even before university. You could just tell that this is the guy that’s out here with the drive and passion which we all find ourselves envy of; which you can evidently see in his current blog. Not only was he involved in student life, within societies and the union. But he was also doing his own thing on the side and never let the deadlines or studies get in the way. Not only that but he’s genuinely one of the most open minded and thought provocate people I’ve ever had the fortune to met and I hope we call step back and appreciate that this guys out there doing what he wants and what he loves — why can’t we?’
There we have it.
I’d like to thank everyone who participated.
I think it proves that if you are genuinely you — no-one can ever take that away from you.
My parents raised me and for that, the positive comments are directed to them.
The flaws in my personality are evident. Everyone has flaws.
I don’t think we’d be human if we didn’t have them.
I have one last thing to say.
Now that I try to hold less expectations of others and myself, I feel this is a good exercise to practice gratitude.
I encourage you to do the same with your friendship groups.
First impressions matter, yes — but they aren’t everything.
Be yourself.
That’s what I did and continue to do.
Unapologetically myself.
Deal with it.