January — A Review
Believe or not, I feel human limits.
Today, I’m overly tired and restless. I felt very lost these past few hours. Not myself. I think it’s burnout.
But in the same breath, I think it might be relief. I’m so thankful that I made myself drowsy. Woke, I know.
January was a car crash.
One of those car crashes that is comical in its continuity.
There’s no-one in the car. And it just keeps rolling, rolling, rolling until it reaches a cliff-edge, but doesn’t fall off.
A cliffhanger.
January was a cliffhanger.
It’s hard to know where to begin, but I’ll start with the lessons.
Lesson #1: Your Anxiety Will Always Haunt You
This was a shocking lesson I had to learn. I put myself in harm’s way for something so insignificant. I hurt myself and self-deprecated to the point of manifesting physical illness. It was unintended, but dangerous. It was irresponsible, but necessary.
I walked away largely unscathed. While I won’t disclose details here, it taught me that I am stronger than my mind and I can have the courage to fight anything.
Lesson #2: Expect The Unexpected
‘Everything hits you like a ton of bricks’
Yep and then some. It’s one of those things that you can never predict, nor sense. It’s one of the stories you tell yourself will never happen. Dread the day it does, and wonder how you got here. Prepare for chaos by living with manageable levels of it. I got through this month because of the levels of chaos I usually expose myself to on a daily basis.
Lesson #3: Overshare But Never Under-Appreciate
I learned the meaning of true friends. I talked too much, they listened — critiqued— and most importantly, cared. You never know how much you could do for them, but similarly you don’t know how much they could do for you. If you share, be prepared to listen. Give without expectations, and always give more than you take.
Lesson #4: Rate Yourself
For one of the first time, I’m surrounded by people who are genuinely constantly supportive. It’s a weird thing for me. And it has led to some very interesting revelations. I’m starting to feel confident I can take on the world. I’ve been given some resounding signs that anything is possible.
Lesson #5: Humility Disillusionment
Humility was a learned trait and one I consider safe. People call me overly humble. And I never took it as a critique. But maybe I should have, because I’ve now realised it’s limits. I could never take compliments, now I’m learning to do that everyday.
Now for the good things…
Good Thing #1: Given An Inch, Ran A Mile
A very generous human gave me, and friends, an opportunity. Instead of thinking inside the box, we moved the box to another dimension and built an empire. This empire will continue to grow, we’re excited for this opportunity. It shows you the power of friendship, chance and the belief. Kudos to you both.
Good Thing #2: Didn’t Hesitate, Acted On Rational Impulse
There was an opportunity that came knocking on my door. It was a eureka moment. Instead of overthinking, I used my experience and made a decision to apply. Apart from the stressful bureaucracy, I got it done. It showed me that it’s possible to be optimistic without cynical. It’s a trait I aim to take forward and develop.
Good Thing #3: Made Choices For You, Not Others
I let myself get consumed by social pressures, and then decided I didn’t want to participate. I made the choice to protect myself, not to appease others. It was a bold move, and one I’m glad I made when I did. It took a lot of courage, and I’m very proud of this progress.
It’s been a crazy month.
I put undue pressure on myself.
I put pressure on others.
I didn’t listen when I should’ve been more attentive.
I failed as a friend.
I failed as a human.
BUT
I made closer friendships.
Cared more.
Loved more.
Appreciated my surroundings.
Didn’t take opportunities for granted.
And worked my butt off.
Hopefully you can look back on January 2020 and smile.
Everyone around you is proud, you should be too.
January — A Review