MOAM: Man On A Mission
A resurgence of self. One that I had lost a fortnight ago. Something burning inside was missing. Now it’s back. As long as it will last. I need to preserve it.
Completely candid, believe it or not.
Dover was a whole boatload of fun yesterday. I learned a lot about myself as well as my two companions.
Today was more a return to what I’m used to.
While I love long drives. The seaside isn’t always my preferred location.
The golf course however.
Now we’re talking.
I gave myself a break after handing in two assignments to embrace the grassy knolls and lonely walks that actually are some of the best times.
I realised after talking to Alex that my reason for lack of work and productivity on tasks with immediate deadlines was the lack of pressure.
I’m sure the pressure was there. I chose to ignore it.
I didn’t feel anxious about assignments, especially tens of feet on top of the cliffs of Dover.
A friend asked me about university work the other day. She said that I should be more concerned. I shrugged it off. Not arrogantly. Only because my mood for the last two weeks had been very anti-academic work.
I didn’t feel like citing someone in an essay. Stressing about deadlines that were weeks away.
I took a break. Well deserved or not. I didn’t care about public opinion.
I felt in control of my decision.
With two more deadlines coming up next week, I’m actually behind schedule but I’m sitting pretty and not stressing.
Why?
I don’t really know.
Maybe it’s the lack of stress of having to get the magic ‘sixty’ to go on study abroad.
Maybe it’s because I was annoyed with the strikes (probably).
Maybe because I had too much time.
I would say today marked a change. I go through a lot of changes. Some I like and some I learn to like. I don’t dislike change. I feel there’s a transition period. Everything gets better. You just have to let it.
I played eight holes of golf to a varying degree of success.
I met friends, discussed gym and golf.
I didn’t just sit at home. Rotting away. As I did when the snow halted my life and depressed my mood.
I want to go back to this notion of ‘too much time’.
I feel like a man on a mission now. Time isn’t really relevant. I feel like I could do anything within any time restriction.
It’s funny that, depending on our perspective at the time, that we think we possess too little, just enough or too much time,
Yes, we all get 24 hours.
We should sleep between 7–9 of those very hours.
Leaving a maximum of 17 hours to do whatever you want with the world.
Factor in transport, wake-up and evening routines and general errands. The time gets dramatically reduced.
I worked out a little while ago, while I was in Austin — I had 9 hours to study, socialise and exercise in a day.
I think I worked it out for London and it ended up being about 7 hours.
That’s really not a lot.
The concept of ‘too much time’ is one which is lost.
It’s rarely talked about.
There’s probably quite a good reason for that. A lot of people (inclusive of myself) procrastinate during ‘too much time’ and the construct whittles down to become a phrase such as ‘too little time’.
Right now — I feel like I can write this blog, respond to social media, respond to emails and start on my next assignment — all before 11pm when I want to sleep.
That’s normally what I do during the evening anyway. It’s routine.
I feel like in the game that is life, I don’t have enough time to achieve all my goals.
But perhaps I should take the approach of not procrastinating on what will help me in the future, such as my degree.
The process is progressive. It’s also strenuous.
It’s not for everything. People take shortcuts.
I’m feel revitalised.
Talking to Kevin about gym and being ‘in the know’ throws me back to times walking into the gym — sitting on a machine and watching the world go by.
I’m in a good place.
I know it won’t last forever.
Right now, I’m a man on a mission.
Appreciate. Empathise. Repeat.