My Mind Doesn’t Stop
Constantly thinking, hypothesising and debating. Sometimes it helps. Others it really doesn’t. One thing for sure, I’m learning to love my own thoughts.
I’m trying out the blog without the anagram today.
I’ll see how it goes.
Always good to try and shake it up once and a while.
Anyway.
I don’t have anything interesting to report.
I failed a little today, but I’ll explain more later.
My mind is always whirring around.
Thinking. Worrying. Challenging.
I’ve had to put ‘night shift’ on my phone now to reduce the red light I get from it during the night time.
It’s improved my sleep and reduced brain activity during nocturnal hours.
The title of this blog was going to be:
‘Always Something To Do’
Because today I thought about the fact that there is always something you can be doing.
It’s just our desire to do it.
Procrastination is king for stopping our desires.
It’s not even procrastination. It’s actually caused by that very whirring. Let me explain.
Being busy and being productive are two separate phrases.
They don’t mean the same thing. But they could.
(I think I’ve talked about this before, but 365 days aren’t going to be that different from each other let’s be honest)
My mind wants to do ‘x,y and z’.
I have to do x before I can do y.
My mind thinks that all three things can be done at once.
I’m so fixated on doing tasks that quality goes out the window.
But wait…
My perfectionist tendencies won’t let it be bad. So it takes even longer because I can’t write something rubbish (see blog about BBC Worldwide piece).
It’s an endless cycle with no exit point.
Even when there’s no work. Or no deadlines. There’s still something to achieve.
Volunteer work. (Reminds me I have to put in my calendar about London Marathon work)
Progressing yourself.
Working out.
Meeting new people.
This rigid structure of ‘I must do this, then this, then this’ is helpful. But it’s also destructive, especially when your original desire to do that very thing is diminished.
I failed today because of structure.
In an attempt to force myself to do my work today, I set out a timed plan.
I got to around 12:30 before it fell apart.
The morning was strong but I had limited sleep and after I got back from meeting with James, I had lunch and took a nap.
It was a short nap but it revitalised me.
Having said that, I’m quite tired now.
As much as I would want to go to sleep, I know I still have a list of things to complete.
I want an earlier night than the previous two which mounts the pressure even more.
The art of productivity is one I’m struggling to grasp.
How does one be productive when the tasks are boring and menial?
How does one beat oneself in order to do them?
How does one ensure quality across the workload given the arrogance against such tasks?
It’s a great few questions.
I wonder if anyone has the answer.
I definitely don’t.
There’s so much on my mind.
There’s so much to do. I just need to keep working.
I need to also keep up appreciating self-care.
Finding time for the gym. Finding the time for me time. Whether that be hitting balls or going for a drive.
I also seem to think its one day later for the time being.
Yesterday I thought it was Saturday.
I suppose it works in my favour and not the opposite.
I like having my own thoughts from all this.
Before I thought they were dangerous. Mainly because of the issues I had with anxiety.
Now, they’re refreshing.
I can appreciate other people’s opinions now given this understanding that my own thoughts are not only helpful but useful.
I’m slyly dosing off writing my own blog.
I’ll stop in a second but first, one thing:
This is a positive habit I’ve built.
One blog. Everyday.
It keeps me creatively active, even on days like today.
When I say I haven’t achieved anything lately, it’s slightly fabricated.
I achieve everyday.
The decision to post. The determination to post.
It’s really something quite powerful.
I suppose that might be a reason why my mind never stops.