Shutting Down
It’s been a while.
But I think, after a justified and excusable break, I’m ready to write again.
Creatively and unshackled.
I’ve written two stories, narratives or analyses in the last two days.
On topics that surprise or perplex me.
I use writing to clarify my thoughts.
Today though I’m here to share a story of shutting down.
I must admit I’ve felt lost.
Confused and shyly anxious.
Not normal, but functioning.
It has impeded any sense of productivity.
Momentarily, I’ve lost a purpose.
A reason why.
I believe many people don’t even know their why, so losing it is not such a big deal.
A few days off and they’re back to normal.
But when you’re conscious of it — it’s a different story.
That’s the story I want to tell.
A narrative of someone who is so used to high gear, that unstructured work has fostered an array of emotions.
This is a story that tells the tale of seemingly strange fixes.
It speaks to living outside-the-box.
I hope you can entertain my madness.
Thursday 4th July
One year ago, I had travelled to Fort Worth, TX to perform my dissertation research.
An immersive 31-day trip that led to so many memories and new friends.
But this year, I found myself in London.
I had one lunch, that cancelled, and a dinner.
More on the dinner later.
I needed to visit someone in Euston for a short time and re-scheduled it to late-morning.
This day had no structure.
I had to find some way to occupy my time.
There were options.
- Stay in Euston area and work
- Walk around and find a new place
But the third option came unexpectedly.
3. Meet Cooper (insanely talented musician I met last August) and play pool
We had done this once before.
He smacked me down.
I like spending time with Cooper.
He’s real, honest and perceptive.
His music is his personality.
I hope he stays this way after he becomes a headliner at Glastonbury in a few years.
We played pool, I lost every game again.
It was relaxing.
We shared some stories from our past week.
And we parted ways.
He’s heading to Europe for four-weeks.
I’ll see him soon.
Next I was off to Mile End.
To meet Ahmed, outgoing SU President.
It was suggested to me by the Principal to meet with Ahmed, whom I’ve known for the last year anyway, and discuss how the project that QMGS did can be repeated in societies next year.
Apart from that conversation, we had some real chats.
It was great to bounce ideas around and hear his perspective.
Both these experiences with Cooper and Ahmed were enriching.
They help me shut down.
Why?
Shutting down is not thinking of work, nor what goes on in the world.
I can relax and focus on the person I’m with and enjoy that time.
It allows me to reset.
Focus on them, because inevitably they deserve it.
The last thing I want to share is dinner.
A friend who I met only in April, Majed, made me dinner.
It was a gesture of good will and tremendous humility.
He is a great friend.
He challenges me and makes me think.
That’s all anyone could ever want.
I felt so much gratitude to break bread with him and his girfriend.
Talk topics far-ranging and enthusing.
I felt whole.
Truly humbled and grateful.
For me, this is shutting down.
The essence of understanding how to relax.
Good company shuts me down.
The funny thing is that reasons for not relaxing in the past came down to isolation.
So it was inevitable that this would be the antidote.
I wanted to write this story for two reasons:
- To help me get out of a creative block and do some work
- To share that perspective differs from person to person
To shut down, I need a reason to leave my phone.
There are too many distractions in this day-and-age and not enough motivation to be powered by self-will.
And here’s the thing:
‘I’ll never seek company, I’ll respect boundaries; but when it happens, I’ll be grateful and present.’
Shutting down