Striving On
There are those days where you do a lot, but its outweighed by small rejections or failure that are inconsequential. Striving on.
‘Many of us wish we have the best days all the time, and cannot explain the off days. We know why were happy but not sad. Our associations skewed and our memories filtered.’
Whatever the dream, there are bumps.
Bumps that you don’t want to challenge.
You want to leave them to deal with themselves.
Usually, they don’t just disappear.
You just aggravate yourself more by not dealing with it.
So deal with it.
Do it.
Because you’ll be closer to the things you want to do.
My dissertation is proving harder to write than I thought.
It took me much longer than I thought to transcribe and it delayed the writing.
With my first discussion chapter near completion, it has taken a lot out of me, with not knowing if I’ve explained the relevance.
The problem with analysis a whole city is that it’s not quite that simple to summarise.
What to include, who’s voices to bring up and the others to silence proves ever difficult.
I don’t know if I’m including too much and not explaining each point.
Or it might be just right.
Because there is the danger of not explaining the diversity of points and leaving my conclusions lacklustre and evidence-less.
It is easier to write more, in this case, and get rid of later.
That’s just one of the things that I’ve been battling today.
All third years are fighting rejections from graduate schemes.
Today, I suffered another.
But hopes might be still alive for the second round in February.
Strong, but not strong enough for wave one of applications.
I also went for a jog around the neighbourhood.
It was very cold.
I only jogged for half the time.
I was out of breath and thinking too much about other things.
Times like these it’s easy to forget the long term goal and contemplate why the present is so hard.
For me, it’s not the difficulty of now but that I know it won’t subside for some more days.
I’ve learned from my mistakes of passing up the opportunity to deal with it now.
I love my dissertation topic.
I know I will have some sort of plan for next year after graduation.
I will run further, mind free.
I have an emotional attachment to my dissertation which makes it harder to write.
Knowing and interacting with people for a month and with the State for a total of six does change the mindset while writing.
Third year pressures at QMUL for Geography students relies heavily on the first semester.
Dissertation, graduate schemes, modules, whatever else you’re doing.
It’s hard graft.
Nothing that’s not manageable through time management.
It’s an incredibly difficult time.
There is a danger with thinking in the present.
Because sometimes the present is the worst place to be.
I strongly believe that my forward-thinking mindset has sheltered me from the negativity that I equally have the power to inflict.
I see each day as closer to that future.
The dissertation deadline gets closer yes, but I know I’ve made sufficient progress.
No matter how many graduate scheme application failures I get, I’ll know that one thing would be accomplished during that day.
And that’s what I go for.
Striving on.